呆若木雞

Maybe its the warmer climate
Maybe I'm a smarter primate
Maybe its the beer I'm drinking
Maybe I've stopped over thinking

[...]

But the universe is just an empty space
And all the stars can disappear without a trace
I'm so glad that this has taken me so long
Cos it's the journey that made me so strong

-Snow Patrol, "Warmer Climate"




Recently, I keep listening to certain tracks on the "Eyes Open" album.
I don't consider myself 'EMO' but I guess I've been in that mood as of late.

(I think "Open Up Your Eyes" is a little overplayed but I like the music video).


I want something
That's purer than the water
Like we were

It's not there now
Ineloquence and anger
Are all we have

[...]

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost

-SP, "Beginning To Get To Me"


I read this poem/short story (?) by Zhuangzi （莊子）called "Fighting Cock" (「鬥雞」) and no it's not supposed to be funny, despite the name translated in English...

Anyways, I sort of feel like that cock in the story. He had so much passion and fire (鬥志高昂 in the beginning but after all the training, he just becomes a wooden cock ( 呆若木雞).

(And if anyone knows the story they are probably thinking: you dumbass! you misinterpreted the entire morale of the story! Well I know that in this story, 木雞 is actually used in a positive manner in that he had reached such an elevated state that the other cocks did not even dare get close to him...but anyways when applying that state to me I'm using it in a negative way).

Before the intense training and reformation, the impulsive （根本沉不住氣) cock also felt he was superior to the riff raff around him: 他老是自命不凡地對周遭怒目相向。I've found that since I've come to Taiwan I've been feeling more 自命不凡 than before. Is that necessarily bad? It is according to Chinese culture and yet all the luminaries of Chinese have regarded themselves as so.


So I don't think I'm making any coherent sense anymore...and I feel like a dick by making obscure references to an old Taoist philosopher, whose poems or short stories are written in 文言文. Plus, I need to get back to work bc the format problem (Microsoft Word-> Open Office -> Windows -> Mac OS X as well as font issues, etc) has been resolved and so I need to get crackin' at it.